"Wisenheimer" Pilot Finale!
Pilot/Episode 1: "The Phone Call" Part Ten
Sometimes, experiments don’t work. I thought it might be fun and productive to self-publish my award-winning pilot screenplay in serial form, to get the script out there and, by making it a paid subscriber benefit, generate a little income. Wahh-wahh. It didn’t work. However—I have heard from a couple readers that they’ve enjoyed Wisenheimer, so thank you! Here are the final pages, free to all! If the last few free posts intrigue you and you wanna catch up, for $5 you can go back to the top and read the entire story!
DISCLAIMER: “WISENHEIMER” is for adults over 18. If produced, it would bear an MA rating. It’s for grown-ups. There is sexual content and the story deals with strong adult themes, as well as socio-political satire and comedy. “WISENHEIMER” is an original work of fiction, written entirely by me, all rights reserved.
You can view the video pitch deck for “WISENHEIMER” here. And for a brief primer on basic screenplay stuff for easier reading, this is helpful.
INT. EZRA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The apartment door busts open, and Rufus comes in. He’s wired, dressed in a sort of gay baseball uniform costume.
RUFUS
Hey, hey!! Check it out--party in progress!
He goes over to Ro and shakes her hand, vigorously.
RUFUS
Hey, good to meet you. I’m Rufus.
RO
Ro. Nice to meet you.
RUFUS
“Rome?”
RO
Ro.
RUFUS
Oh, Ro. Ro. Got it. Sorry I’ve eaten so much ass tonight my lips are numb.
Rufus starts to pick over the food that’s left on the table, grabs a cannoli.
EZRA
Nice. Jesus. (to Ro:) Rufus is my assistant.
JACK
Dude, why are you so wired?
RUFUS
Oh. Am I manic? Sorry, guys. I just came from a group party that was off the fucking chain!
EZRA
Hey, uh, Rufus? Would you come with me for a minute?
Rufus follows Ezra to the bathroom. Ezra closes the door behind them. Jack joins Ro at the sink.
JACK
Young, dumb, and full of cum.
BATHROOM
Ezra runs the water to muffle their conversation. Rufus is eating his cannoli.
RUFUS
(chewing) What’s up?
EZRA
What are you on right now?
RUFUS
Uh... a little G... a whole bunch of Tina. I think I did a bump of K at one point--
EZRA
Yeah, well, you’re tweaked out of your brain.
KITCHEN
Ro washes dishes, Jack dries.
JACK
This feels familiar.
RO
I was just thinking that.
JACK
Seeing you again... You blow me away.
He moves closer to her.
RO
Tonight’s been a lot to process...
He puts an arm around her waist.
RO
History really does have a way of catching up with you, doesn’t it.
Jack embraces Ro as he turns the tap off, takes hold of her wet hands, uses his dishcloth to dry them.
RO
Jack... there’s years of--so many things have happened--years--
JACK
Too many years. But you never planned to see me again--
RO
--Never expected to see--
JACK
--Never wanted to.
RO
Recovery... It’s like treating cancer. When the sick cells are killed, some really healthy, good cells have to die too.
JACK
Was I healthy and good?
Ro faces him. They look into each others’ eyes.
BATHROOM
EZRA
My friend Ro out there is a social worker. She’s helping with my Mom. She’s sober, okay?
RUFUS
(mouth full of cannoli) Sorry, Ez, I just needed a place to crash--
Ezra grabs the rest of the cannoli and drops it in the toilet.
EZRA
Pull your shit together, okay?
RUFUS
Yeah, yeah, got it. I’m gonna pee and I’ll see you in a sec.
Ezra goes. Rufus, bopping to some song in his head, unzips, peeing copiously onto the remainder of his cannoli which is floating in the bowl.
RUFUS
Incoming!
Rufus makes the sound of a bomb dropping.
KITCHEN
Ezra joins Ro and Jack.
JACK
So, I have one more clip to share.
EZRA
Please, no more historical “relics.”
JACK
You should be proud--you have awesome DNA.
EZRA
That’s what all the boys say.
INT. EZRA'S APARTMENT - LATER
Everyone’s gathered before the big screen TV.
ON SCREEN
Grainy video of Young Ezra playing a piano recital with the Philharmonic. The piece is the Shostakovich we saw him struggle with in Ezra’s flashback. He’s dazzling.
EZRA SCHOENBERG (50s), is conducting with passion.
ON GROUP
Ezra sits stony-faced, drinking. Ro and Jack are both mesmerized by the video. Rufus is weeping.
RO
Is that your grandfather?
Ezra nods.
ON SCREEN
Young Ezra finishes the piece and bows, to wild applause. The Maestro comes over and shakes his hand.
ON GROUP
The friends applaud.
Ezra grabs the remote and shuts the TV off. He goes to the bathroom, slams the door.
Silence for a few moments. Jack sips his beer.
RUFUS
He was fucking amazing.
JACK
Yeah.
RUFUS
What happened to him?
JACK
Maxx Hynde.
INT. MAN-CAVE - NIGHT
In the darkened room, Neil sits in a gaming chair wearing high tech headphones. He watches a video on a huge flat screen monitor.
ON SCREEN
A younger Ezra, in construction worker’s gear and hardhat. His face and shirtless torso are covered in grime.
At his feet, a hot PORN ACTOR in a business suit undoes Ezra’s jeans.
ON NEIL
Neil is naked in his gaming chair. He has clothespins on his nipples. He sprays something in an aerosol can on to a bandana, then stuffs it in his mouth, inhaling.
ON SCREEN
Ezra throws his head back, eyes closed, mouth open. The SOUND OF MOANING from his offscreen co-star.
ON NEIL
Neil wanks furiously, beads of sweat on his reddened face, one hand alternately tweaking the clothespins on each nipple.
ON SCREEN
Closeup of Ezra’s face as he reaches a rapturous climax.
ON NEIL
Simultaneously, Neil achieves his own orgasm, his cry of ecstasy muffled by the rag in his mouth.
CUT TO BLACK.
END OF PILOT