Your fine writing and expressive talents tell me a wonderful book is waiting under your pen. A very close friend, F, came out to us in college; "I hope this doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks," he said, "but I'm gay." We replied over our glasses of beer, "We hope this doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks F, but we've known you were gay since kindergarten." This was the late 70s where a broad acceptance of gayness seemed to be happening. We had a very open and interesting conversation; "Ask me anything," F insisted. One thing F said that stayed with me: "You lust after whoever you're going to lust after."
I was equally mortified when my dad took me to see the movie Personal Best, which was also released in 1982, that had kissing scenes too. I was 16yo and a burgeoning baby dyke. [I'm now a trans man for those confused by my picture] Per Wikipedia "Personal Best is a 1982 American drama film written, produced and directed by Robert Towne. It stars Mariel Hemingway and real-life track star Patrice Donnelly, along with Scott Glenn as the coach. The film is about the lesbian relationship between two track-and-field teammates whose relationship might interfere with their performance." My mom also took me to see Making Love, twice! She loved that movie. She was bisexual.
Wow. Yes--I remember "Personal Best" It was like the lesbian "Front Runner!" There was another lesbian film that made a big impression a few years after that: "Desert Hearts," which was a very lipstick cowgirl fantasy. :-)
I remember Desert Hearts. I saw it with my girlfriend in a Los Angeles theater packed with lesbians. You could have heard a pin drop during the entire show. We were all so enthralled watching our lives, to a certain degree, being played out on the screen.
In the 80s, arthouse cinema gave us our first real gay and lesbian films and I and my college friends devoured them!! "Maurice," "My Beautiful Laundrette," "Longtime Companion," etc!
And there is a big debate to be had about how do you show 'kid friendly' gay culture without inadvertently normalizing hardcore kink to 3 -7 year olds (which society in general had deemed to be a bad thing) It is about age appropriateness. And it is a problem for children's publishing. I personally have problems with illustrations of men in bondage gear appearing in a picturebook aim at children but that is me. It is about keeping innocence in childhood, something which the Victorians and Edwardians fought long and hard for.
And it is when should adult gay culture be introduced to gay children -- I know a classmate thought our French teacher who was a big gay activist in SF in the early 80s (Ceasre Albini died 1986 from AIDS , good friend of Paul Monette and is featured in his memoir about AIDS-- Borrowed Time) introduced him too early to things (even though Andy had graduated from high school by that time).
It is also about teaching children resilience and that non-conformity is something to be prized rather than shunned. Two books from my childhood (and I believe we are about the same age) which were v good for this were A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle which you have mentioned before and Watership Down where Fiver who is the rabbit who gets shunned by all except for Hazel ends up saving everyone. I can remember my mother saying that my brother who did grow up to be a gay male was v much like Fiver.
To my mind it is all about expanding categories. So for example, womanhood had to expand to fit me rather than me deciding to be excluded. As my paternal grandmother (she was the 2nd woman in the US to hold a building contractor's license and the first to actually use it -- a sore point for her) told me back when I was about four, your biology makes you a woman but you can choose to like anything -- inanimate objects do not have a sex. One of the big problems is the genderization of children's toys which really got started in the early 1990s.
These are such good points, Michelle. You are SO right about A Wrinkle in Time--as a kid the stories I identified with were the stories about loners and misfits who eventually find their way, their true families, and triumph through their cleverness and goodness and individuality. James & the Giant Peach, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Mary in The Secret Garden, etc. It's interesting that these books are the one's being vandalized by "sensitivity readers" now.
Yes. And it is so great you identified with Mary in The Secret Garden -- she is such a great character -- an awkward child who needs to discover a place where she fits. One of the reasons my husband and I bought our current house was the garden needed to be restored...
It is about finding the universality of the character.
Misfits, loners and people who could not conform -- brilliant fodder for all children but particularly for those who will be travelling on a road less travelled.
I have been re-reading Dara Marks' book on screenwriting (commercial fiction has a lot in common) and at one point she mentions harnessing the masculine and feminine that exists in all your characters -- an idea you would not get these days but she was writing in the early 2000s.
And do not get me started on the follies of Presentism. It annoys me so much.
Bravo! This is one of the best essays I've ever read. I'm upgrading to "Paid" to support your work. Happy Pride!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH SCOTT!!
Your fine writing and expressive talents tell me a wonderful book is waiting under your pen. A very close friend, F, came out to us in college; "I hope this doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks," he said, "but I'm gay." We replied over our glasses of beer, "We hope this doesn't hit you like a ton of bricks F, but we've known you were gay since kindergarten." This was the late 70s where a broad acceptance of gayness seemed to be happening. We had a very open and interesting conversation; "Ask me anything," F insisted. One thing F said that stayed with me: "You lust after whoever you're going to lust after."
I was equally mortified when my dad took me to see the movie Personal Best, which was also released in 1982, that had kissing scenes too. I was 16yo and a burgeoning baby dyke. [I'm now a trans man for those confused by my picture] Per Wikipedia "Personal Best is a 1982 American drama film written, produced and directed by Robert Towne. It stars Mariel Hemingway and real-life track star Patrice Donnelly, along with Scott Glenn as the coach. The film is about the lesbian relationship between two track-and-field teammates whose relationship might interfere with their performance." My mom also took me to see Making Love, twice! She loved that movie. She was bisexual.
Wow. Yes--I remember "Personal Best" It was like the lesbian "Front Runner!" There was another lesbian film that made a big impression a few years after that: "Desert Hearts," which was a very lipstick cowgirl fantasy. :-)
I remember Desert Hearts. I saw it with my girlfriend in a Los Angeles theater packed with lesbians. You could have heard a pin drop during the entire show. We were all so enthralled watching our lives, to a certain degree, being played out on the screen.
In the 80s, arthouse cinema gave us our first real gay and lesbian films and I and my college friends devoured them!! "Maurice," "My Beautiful Laundrette," "Longtime Companion," etc!
Me too
Your mother sounds like she was totally lovely.
And there is a big debate to be had about how do you show 'kid friendly' gay culture without inadvertently normalizing hardcore kink to 3 -7 year olds (which society in general had deemed to be a bad thing) It is about age appropriateness. And it is a problem for children's publishing. I personally have problems with illustrations of men in bondage gear appearing in a picturebook aim at children but that is me. It is about keeping innocence in childhood, something which the Victorians and Edwardians fought long and hard for.
And it is when should adult gay culture be introduced to gay children -- I know a classmate thought our French teacher who was a big gay activist in SF in the early 80s (Ceasre Albini died 1986 from AIDS , good friend of Paul Monette and is featured in his memoir about AIDS-- Borrowed Time) introduced him too early to things (even though Andy had graduated from high school by that time).
It is also about teaching children resilience and that non-conformity is something to be prized rather than shunned. Two books from my childhood (and I believe we are about the same age) which were v good for this were A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle which you have mentioned before and Watership Down where Fiver who is the rabbit who gets shunned by all except for Hazel ends up saving everyone. I can remember my mother saying that my brother who did grow up to be a gay male was v much like Fiver.
To my mind it is all about expanding categories. So for example, womanhood had to expand to fit me rather than me deciding to be excluded. As my paternal grandmother (she was the 2nd woman in the US to hold a building contractor's license and the first to actually use it -- a sore point for her) told me back when I was about four, your biology makes you a woman but you can choose to like anything -- inanimate objects do not have a sex. One of the big problems is the genderization of children's toys which really got started in the early 1990s.
These are such good points, Michelle. You are SO right about A Wrinkle in Time--as a kid the stories I identified with were the stories about loners and misfits who eventually find their way, their true families, and triumph through their cleverness and goodness and individuality. James & the Giant Peach, Charlie & the Chocolate Factory, Mary in The Secret Garden, etc. It's interesting that these books are the one's being vandalized by "sensitivity readers" now.
Yes. And it is so great you identified with Mary in The Secret Garden -- she is such a great character -- an awkward child who needs to discover a place where she fits. One of the reasons my husband and I bought our current house was the garden needed to be restored...
It is about finding the universality of the character.
Misfits, loners and people who could not conform -- brilliant fodder for all children but particularly for those who will be travelling on a road less travelled.
I have been re-reading Dara Marks' book on screenwriting (commercial fiction has a lot in common) and at one point she mentions harnessing the masculine and feminine that exists in all your characters -- an idea you would not get these days but she was writing in the early 2000s.
And do not get me started on the follies of Presentism. It annoys me so much.
Well if I wasn’t already madly in love with your mama, now I am. ❤️
She was the best.